Students of McGill University have begun to express disillusionment at the production quotas formerly released by the Politburo, as midterm expectations have risen to famine-causing levels.
When asked about the effects of the sudden increase in work expectations, a student of Political Science responded poignantly, “I havenʼt eaten or showered in two days.”
Students have likened the sudden seizure of resources to the Holodomor of 1932 in Ukraine, fearing that the “Holodowhore” of February 2012 will yield similar deadly results. Victims of starvation and exhaustion can be seen crawling in the basement of McLennan Library, craving socialization, food, or any semblance of the normalcy that once deﬁned their lives.
Students have reported feeling hopeless, inhuman, and intellectually exploited by the costs of the rising expectations, details of which Brainwashing Assistants have been forced to dutifully administer, for fear of administrative punishment, despite raw memories of the past.
A Brainwashing Assistant in the Faculty of Arts explained his anguish as a bureaucratic middleman, noting the need to hide his pity while inﬂicting the laborious assignments, because, as he explains, the starving, angsty students “can smell fear”.
The quotas have indeed notably increased for most students, even to three or four times their previous workload. Rumours abound of students passing out in University buildings, losing hair, or even eating their own children.
This proletarian suffering has only given further momentum to the occupations of the James Administration building, as the quotas are considered likely to have been a ﬁnal policy blow by ex-Dean of Student Life and Learning Morton J. Mendelsohn. The distribution of his resignation cake, however, caused signiﬁcant controversy amongst witnessing students.
The midterm evaluation quota expectations will likely continue to impact the eating, sleeping, and hygiene habits of students for the next several weeks until adjustments are made. One thing is certain: the proletarian suffering that has ensued is not an accident, and is highly detrimental to both student life and student learning.
The McGill Health Clinic will continue to have walk-in hours from 8h00 to 16h00, and in the event of sightings of students asleep, dead, rolling in their own vomit, or offensively greasy and unpleasant smelling in a public place, please call 911 or direct them to a healthcare provider.
Report filed by: Leona Trotsky
[Editors’ note: sometime around 7 Fev 2012, the official MARP electronic-mail service began receiving all sorts of spam mail and fraudulent credit card charges — likely from fascist saboteurs. This document was received on 8 Fev during the height of midterms and we are sorry that we did not get to it sooner.]