Beads of dark brown ambrosia pour down the smooth metallic face of the Securitas Thermos, liberated last week by the glorious freedom-fighter division of the MARP. I think to myself, “is this the callsign of fear, the weight of all your piggish collusion with the liquid-imbibing forces of oppression? Or is this merely an involuntary display of your shoddy worksmanship?”
I take some coffee from its innards, hoping to gain a moment of clarity as to the thermos’ motivations. I am absorbing the strength of the vanquished foe, eating his heart and attaining my long overdue praxis. Cold. The coffee is cold. Now I’m angry.
I compose myself and begin the interrogation:
Copper Cobra: What is your name and rank?
Securitas Thermos: [remains silent] CC: Who sent you to this place? What is your mission? ST: [remains silent] CC: I’ll ask again, who sent you? Why are you here? ST: [remains silent] CC: Alright. We’ll play it your way. Get the rag and the water, Karlos ST: [remains silent] CC: That’s more like it. Now, where is the location of the Securitas base!? ST: [remains silent] CC: Damn it Karlos, get the water and rag. We’ll drown you, you worthless pig-lackey. You hear me? We will fucking drown you NOW. You will fucking DIE in this place! ST: [remains silent] CC: Much better. Isn’t it so much better when we tell the truth? Take him outside, Karlos. Put him down and make sure you cut off hurrhurrimahoershurr so we can hurrhurrimabaerhurr back to headquarters.
Report Filed by: The Copper Cobra and Infidel Kastro