Administrators of McGill Residential Brain-Growth Barns have decreed a heightened level of alert — out of concern for potentially-mobilizing counter-revolutionary behaviour displayed by area youths.
Displaying covert symbols of disrespect for Party Ideologies has escalated, and conspirators can be spotted crowded into in vodka lines outside historic revolutionary establishments, like the libations-rationer Korova.
Groups have been seen displaying expensive foreign products, such as matching jackets with the provocative banner “Canada Goose Arctic Program” — doubtlessly obtained subversively, as impending Fascist Tuition Hikes render such defiant products unaffordable for even a household of the nomenklatura. There has been speculation that the Five Year Plan to increase tuition is a result of financing the emblematic pig-class indulgence, but the exact connection has not been confirmed.
When asked about mobilization of the Fascist Youth, a resident of Carrefour Sherbrooke revealingly stated “I don’t know how much my laundry delivery ends up costing… my mom filled out the form to her credit card.”
This and other casual statements have hinted strongly at the spread of this concerning pro-capitalist sentiment among youths.
Perhaps even more troubling than the students’ misguided lack of Revolutionary Spirit have been Fascist efforts to keep The Movement a secret.
Party enemies and Pig sympathizers have been identified infiltrating Liberal institutions, such as the Student Governance Administrative Bureau SSMU, Student Advocate Groups, and the Department of Political Science — proclaiming allegiance to campaigns against social injustice, as if they do not obviously benefit from its perpetuation.
Their resolve to covertly rape the noble Proletarian is exceptional.
Until the source of this mobilization and concerning associated behaviour is further understood, the best defence for a faithful comrade is being able to recognize these unstable youths. To make this mission easier, MARP has formulated an acronym of behaviours and recognizable traits common amongst these misguided youths. The nonsense word “BITTIE” forms a mnemonic:
Blatantly weather-inappropriate dress (Motivation unclear, perhaps to appear impoverished?) Ignorance to personal expenses Totalitarian groupthink tendencies Testimony to capitalist brand-name empires Infiltration of beloved proletarian establishments Exploitative and rude demeanour towards brothers and sisters in communist struggle
Apply this knowledge to protect your community from the fur-clad pig-sympathizers! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
Report filed by: Leona Trotsky