It is with extreme pleasure that we at the MARP announce McGill’s newest plan to catapult itself into the 21st Century: the development of the “Quartier d’Innovation” (French for “Death Fortress”).
Taking cues from glorious heroes of communism such as Joseph Stalin and Mao Zedong, McGill will embark on a Five Year Plan in conjunction with the City of Charestgrad (formerly known as Montréal) to build a revolutionary engineer/businessman factory complex. The entire system is colorfully referred to as the “brain farm.”
Hero of the Revolution and VP (Selling Out & Cashing In) Rose Goldstein explicated her plan to the McGill Academic Duma during its monthly showing of tokenistic “democratic” bureaucracy.
A number of underused and counter-revolutionary buildings in the Gryffintown proletarian ghetto will be burned to the ground, aiding McGill in chasing out reactionary sleeper cells from their low-income housing and replacing them with an efficient circular conveyer belt.
Prospective students will be placed on the belt and hit over the head with engineering diagrams and business plans until they are deemed “intelligent.” Corporate headhunters may then “Claim a Brain” by quickly switching the student for their equivalent weight in dimes or brass.
Glorious Leader Maggie Knight praised the project as a shining example of McGill’s commitment to stringent ethics and partnership with other revolutionary bodies, such as Monsanto, the “giant birdfeeder of the revolution,” and General Motors, makers of the venerable weapons of mass destruction that keep mother union strong.
Other senators were overjoyed to learn that lazy and shiftless Proletarians would be displaced from their homes in order to make way for a better class of wage-laborer.
In related news, we at the MARP mourn the tragic deaths of no less than twenty Academic Duma senators, whose heads exploded after over-exposure to doubleplusgood Orwellian doublespeak buzzwords in the QI report, including: ‘success,’ ‘innovation’, ‘excellence’, ‘pool of resources’, ‘partnership’, ‘revitalization,’ ‘commercialization,’ and ‘freedom.’
Our honourable Senators shall all be remembered as excellent innovators, whose partnership was a great asset to our pool of resources. If only we could revitalize their exploded corpses and continue to commercialize on their success.
Report filed by: The Copper Cobra