Recently, the bureaucrats and politicians of the AUSbureau admitted that twelve thousand dollars of freshly exploited capital was stolen from right under their piggish noses during McGill’s most offensive rape-fueled culture-shock, Frosh.
According to reports in the Anarcho-Capitalist ‘zine The Bull & Bear and mainstream gossip blog The McGill Tribune, the stolen capital was invested in complex derivatives of sub-prime mortgages, which had been ranked AAA by rankings firms, who would not comment as they boarded their yachts.
While the money was stolen in September, the AUSbureau complied with requests from the Service de Pigs de la Ville de Montréal and kept the information secret for three months. This may help fit a few clues into place — earlier this year the AUSbureau folded to the demands of Official Arch-Freudian Mediator Between the Capitalist Church of James and the Revolutionary Student Guard Morton Mendelson, who uses his Ph.D in Psychology to hypnotize his interlocutors into discussion based upon his own presuppositions and semantic framework.
AUSbureau President, Jade Calver, claimed that the $12 000 had been ethically collected, but nonfoundationalist anthropologist approaches to sociohistorical research shows that all the stolen funds originally came from exploitation of consumer beliefs and short-changing AUSbloc members of what was owed.
Sadly, there is no evidence to show that a Robin-Hood Proletarian Hero took the funds to redistribute amongst the needy.
To end on a lighter note and make this a feel-good story — the armed receptionists of the state completely failed in their investigation and have uncovered no leads. This shows that the pigs are good for nothing but machismo posturing while assaulting helpless women and children with chemical weapons and physical barrages.
No Justice, No Peace
Report Filed by: Karlos Marx